


there’s no crying in paradise

by figsgobrr



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Moving On, Past Character Death, Past Violence, Relationship Study, blackstar and mistystar open up to each other, mistystar has an inferiority complex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:34:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21999814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/figsgobrr/pseuds/figsgobrr
Summary: In which Mistystar and Blackstar sit under the moonlight and reflect on their past.
Relationships: Mistystar/Blackstar
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	there’s no crying in paradise

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xbloodywhalex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xbloodywhalex/gifts).



> For my wonderful friend and reader, xbloodywhalex! Please enjoy! <3

_“Ending just the way it began,_ _heaven slipping out of our hands.”_

Mistystar knew he’d come—knew it in the way the breeze carried whispers of his arrival, on her fur, in the reeds, in the wind. She noticed him first, his scent oozing of pine and fir, masking the sins of his past and the blood he bore of so many innocents, with nine times the lives he didn't deserve, from the ones he’d stolen. Mistystar would grieve tonight, with the one who’d taken so much from her—all her pride, dignity, and family. Irony had nothing to do with it. 

“We would watch the river take in the moonlight like this, you know.”

Mistystar wouldn’t let him hear her voice shake, wouldn’t show him the things he does to her. Moons had gone by, but time hadn’t healed what he’d done to her. The memories were etched in her skull, like carvings on wood. Nothing could seal them away.

“Why do you do this to yourself?”

She looked for hints of hostility or scorn in his words, but only found pity. She didn’t need his sympathy, of all cats. 

_You did this to me._

Mistystar looked ahead, counting all the stars scattered across the lake. She wondered which one of them was Stonefur, hoping his spirit danced with the waves, with fish splashing around his paws and the sun on his pelt. She wished he'd never know of pain, hunger, nor cold, and had his kin to keep him company. She would sit by the shore all night, hoping her words guided him to paradise and gave him peace.

“I’ve come to mourn,” Mistystar reached to touch the star that floated towards her, “and you, Blackstar? Has guilt brought you before me?”

She couldn’t bear to look at him, not when those golden eyes reminded her of that day. Nothing about it was ironic, or was it? He’d killed her brother, but watched her take his place—Leopardstar’s gift to her, of stars and immortality. She wouldn’t look at him, not when she’d relive those buried sentiments, of anger and sorrow. 

“I expected you to bear some resentment towards me, naturally,” Blackstar kept his distance, and padded along the edge of the bank, “but the things I’ve done, Mistystar, was so that I could live—so I _survived.”_

Mistystar snapped around to face him, “But my brother _couldn’t?”_

“So, that’s what this is about?” Blackstar sighed, “I didn’t expect you to forget, but to hold onto it for so long? You couldn’t let go, could you, Mistystar?”

She didn’t need him looking at her like that—like he _cared._

“I watched him _die,_ ” Mistystar choked out, “I watched you _kill_ him.”

“The damage is done,” Blackstar admitted, and she moved away from him, once he’d gotten close to her, “I can’t ask you to forgive me, but for your sake, Mistystar, you have to let him go.”

 _“I can’t,”_ she croaked, quivering at the thought.

“Yes, you can!” Blackstar insisted, and she screwed her eyes shut, when she was unable to meet his gaze, “With all these burdens and feelings of regret, how will you focus on leading your Clan when you're so caught up in grieving your brother?”

“I didn’t want it!” Mistystar cried out, “I didn’t want to lead the Clan! That was Stonefur’s destiny, not mine!”

Blackstar lashed his tail, “But you must! You’ve been chosen, how can you not see that?”

“I never asked for this!” Mistystar shot back, “I didn’t want to take his place!”

“But you did!” Blackstar circled her, “You can dwell in your own tragedy, but you can’t forsake your duties! Where is your courage, Mistystar? Did Leopardstar make a mistake when taking you as her deputy?”

“She did it out of pity!” Mistystar retorted, “I didn’t do anything to deserve it!”

Blackstar was in her face, more furious than she’s ever seen him, “Leopardstar acknowledged your loyalty and dedication, so are you telling me she was wrong?”

Mistystar bristled, “I _am_ loyal, but—”

“Why did you accept, then?”

“Accept _what?”_

“Being _deputy,_ ” Blackstar hissed, and Mistystar drew her ears back. Any louder, and some cat would hear them.

“It was _expected_ of me,” Mistystar said sharply, “I couldn’t turn her down.”

Blackstar scoffed, “Of course you could’ve turned her down, but you didn’t want to. Despite all your excuses, you feel inferior to your brother because you believe he’d have done it much better than you.”

Mistystar opened her mouth, but he cut her off.

“But that’s not true,” Blackstar’s tone changed, “I know why Leopardstar chose you, and why your ancestors have given you their blessings. I know you’re devoted and capable, you just can’t see it the way I do.”

Mistystar blinked, taken aback by his sincerity. Blue merged with gold like water on fire, and she briefly considered the idea that this was just some trick to win her over, or lower her guard. Blackstar had tried pressuring her into an alliance, once or twice, but hadn’t mentioned anything of the sort this time around. Still, she wasn’t going to dismiss her suspicions without some proof first.

“Why do you care?” Mistystar demanded, “If you think this will make us _“allies”_ you’re sorely mistaken, Blackstar.”

“While it’s true that I desire an alliance between us, Mistystar _,_ I haven’t come to you today with those sort of pretenses.”

She narrowed her eyes warily, still doubtful, but hesitantly beckoned him to sit beside her, under the moonlit sky and stars. He approached her cautiously, leaving paw-prints in the sand, and gingerly took a seat next to her. She noticed his mystified expression, curious yet skeptical.

“For as long as I could remember, Stonefur bested me in everything.”

Blackstar tilted his head, ears flicking up in sudden interest, and Mistystar carried on.

“As apprentices, we had our own sibling rivalry going on, where we would try to beat each other at whatever we did, hunting or combat, things like that, but it wasn’t much of a competition for Stonefur. He basked in everyone’s praises, because he was _fearless._ He could chase away an enemy as big as a Twoleg, but never take the credit for himself. When Leopardstar took him as her deputy, we weren’t even surprised. Pride wouldn’t begin to describe how I felt, and yet, some part of me was jealous. I couldn’t live up to him, and I accepted that fact. I loved him, but I couldn’t be like him. When Leopardstar picked me, I knew it was only because she felt responsible for his death, and not because I truly deserved it. I lived with that, believing I was his replacement, and while I was loyal and committed, was it enough? I didn’t want the role because it’s what I _deserved_ after Stonefur died—I wanted it because I _earned_ it, and not because I was being compensated for having my brother killed. I can’t help feeling inferior to him, not when I feel like I’m here only because he died to make me leader.”

She hadn’t told this to anyone, much less someone who’d taken her brother from her, but the words poured out before she could stop them. Blackstar listened closely, letting her speak without interruption. She didn’t know why he took the time to take in all her grievances, and wanted to harden her heart, to walk away and never return, but waited for his say. She kneaded the weeds in the sand, clawing at them when Blackstar finally spoke.

“I know I have no right to tell you how to feel when I’m responsible for you feeling this way, for killing your brother, but heed me this once, Mistystar, because I know some things about feeling inferior, and questioning whether I’m worthy of the blessings I’ve been given. I'd obeyed Brokenstar throughout his reign, dirtying my paws in the filthiest of ways, and apparently didn’t learn from the first time by doing the same for Tigerstar. I’ve done so much wrong, and been given so much, I considered stepping down once. How could someone who’s killed, betrayed, and deceived continue to live after all they've done? How could I ever hope to be as _good_ as someone like you, Mistystar? How could I? My dreams were plagued with all the terrible things I’ve done, but you know what I realized? It wasn’t about me, none of it. All that mattered was my Clan, and whether I was able to lead it. My past mistakes would teach me, what to do or what not to do. We’re so caught up with ourselves, we forget the most important things. You fear you can’t live up to your brother—I fear I can’t become better, but it’s not about us—it never was.”

Mistystar would grieve tonight, but she wouldn’t regret. Before sunrise, she would part ways with Blackstar, but would take his words with her. She wouldn’t forgive him, she didn’t have to, but would remember what he’d told her. She wouldn’t forget Stonefur, because there aren’t days when she’d miss him, or just hope she’d wake up and know he was still with her, but would no longer wish she hadn’t become Leopardstar’s successor in his place. Her Clan depended on her, and that was enough. She would learn to live on, and eventually see her brother once more, along with the rest of the ones she’d lost. She wasn’t there yet, but she knew she was headed in the right direction.

She extended her paw towards the star that seemed to wash up on the shore, glittering as the water rippled in small, gentle tides, and as the sun peeked out from the horizon, all she saw was brimming gold on blue skies.

“You may hope to be as good as me, Blackstar, but I don’t think we’re all that different.”


End file.
